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Stupid Bastard

Because I’m a stupid bastard

I’ve repudiated too much,

Despising even poetry,

One of my few best friends,

I’ve given up on too much,

Wandered too far from myself, who the hell

Knows? But enough about me

For chrissakes. The plant sits stock still,

Hey, that’s a wise choice.

But I want to hear Rilke’s panther growl,

I want to feel the blast

Of Aphrodite’s birth.

Anything, fucking golden zebras

In bonnets, anything

But this.

This solipsism.

I want to run from myself

So you won’t be exposed

To my pain anymore.

Your phone is so busy.

The refrigerator comes

To a dead stop. This loneliness

Is completely fucking beneath me,

Ridiculous and cruel.

You were unbelievably

Sweet to me today,

Asking straight out, why are you

So hard on yourself?

There is no good answer

To that. I want to be a god,

Okay? And instead I’m nothing

But a stupid bastard

With his head in the toilet

Of self-pity

Dreaming of menacing,

Stupidly dressed zebras

Swimming toward me

Through sewage!

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